Are married men happier?

OK - let's admit it - Seal has got to be one freakin' HAPPY dude. Why wouldn't he be? He looks like that and has HEIDI KLUM!!!! You BASTARD!!!!!!!! Anyway....

There's actually been quite a bit of studies into marriage and happiness, and longevity. Now, it's important to point out the differences here:

Longevity does NOT equal happiness by any means. 

Longevity means how long you live.

Happiness means quality of life.

So what do the studies show?

The Australians have been doing studies, and the results are interesting:

Generally married men and women are both happier then their counterparts.

Men are 135% happier, women only 52%

Single men have to earn  $136,000 more to be as happy as their married counterparts, and single women have to earn $122,000 more.

Married men are happier to have smarter wives, 8% per each year of education past high school. So a woman with a bachelor's degree is like to make the husband 24 to 32% happier. Converse does NOT apply to women.

There is a U shape graph for happiness. Men and women are happiest at the beginning and end of the marriage. That's right, the bit where you have kids, 1 year after marriage etc are all crappy. 

Longevity wise - married men and women live longer. 

It's most apparent in the 70-84 age range where the death rate for singles DOUBLE that of married people.

Here's the graph for women:

and here for men:

References:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/321226/study_married_people_happier_than_singles.html?cat=7

http://www.health.gov.au/internet/ministers/publishing.nsf/Content/mr-yr08-je-je135.htm

The Germans though are much more reserved. They're only about 0.1 points happier if they're married, based on an 11 point scoring system. Prudes!!!

http://www.apa.org/releases/married_happy.html

Also, married couples are about 77% wealthier than their counterparts. That figure is a bit misleading since it's inferred from a loss of 77% of wealth after divorce. Hmm... don't really believe we're THAT much richer. But certainly divorces are ridiculously costly. Good reason to stay together - imagine how much happier that new toy you bought made you!

http://www.vilkri.com/blog/blog1.php/networthcalculator/net-worth-calculator-married-vs-single

CONCLUSIONS:

Married men and women, on the surface are happier, live longer and are richer. 

Women are damn picky - wha? only 52% happier? 

Smarter women make men happy - women treat dumb guys and smart guys the same. 

See, see - we men RESPECT women more and give CREDIT where credit is due. 

U shape graph - you're still mostly less happy in the marriage, only in the beginning and the end are you any better? Wha?????? However, this probably reflects life in general, probably can't blame marriage for it.

Australians are happier then Germans. 

AND the biggest conclusion of all? Seal is still one lucky bastard. See photos below of Heidi Klum in... wait for it.... BODY PAINT. Yes dear readers, she's totally nude and smokin' HOT!!!

Psychedelic hotness:

Not body paint but tassels, I don't think I hear complaints:
Let me adjust that for you, hang on - YOU'RE BUCK NAKED
Sad faces never looked so good - can I read what is says on that shirt....
Erm...... I like floral colours too....

Mistresses - to have or not to have?

Now, none of us condone having mistresses. To be frank, we don't have any ourselves, but it's a question that often gets bounced around. Who knows what inspires man to have, or want to have mistresses? Perhaps it's boredom? Perhaps it's general gatal-ness (side effect of high libido or lack of fulfilment)? Perhaps it's trying to recapture that brain buzz from first love (that feeling that lasted about 1 month, then you were stuck - see who told you to have sex with her so soon)?

This is what we have in mind of course:

Elisha Cuthbert, star of 24 - pundek's kryptonite (hot, young, white blonde female)

Well, they're a few criteria required to successfully have a mistress - but obviously not all of them have to be fulfilled:

1. Wealth - and lots of it. A mistress can potentially be high maintenance. You'll have to pay for hotel rooms, usually at short notice so you'll be hit by rack rates. Don't count on using your discount vouchers - not only is it seriously uncool when you check out to flick through and tear out coupons, you can't use them on short notice. Gifts. Accomodation. If you get her pregnant and have a love child, boy are you screwed unless you have lots of money. 

2. Silver tongue - for courting of course. How many times have we seen the ugliest bastard (usually a close friend or relative) have a hot chick and think - god damn - that's unfair. Why? Coz it should be me with that hot chick rather then my hagard looking wife. And you know she's hot, because your wife checks her out, and suddenly tells you that they're not nice people and you shouldn't hang out anymore. Women naturally can't stand prettier women around them.

Digressing - anyway, money alone is usually insufficient. You've got to be charming, remember - looks have nothing to do with it.

3. Balls - not physical testicles, everyone has them (including your wife who has them on her key chain). You've got to be gutsy enough to go for it. And whatever happens after, you've got to deal with it. 

So what happens when 3 pundeks try to get a mistress? We'll probably end up with this:

Well - you see - no money, not good at talking, and no guts. We'll probably end up with grandma telling us to f**k off. Oh well.

So if anyone has successfully gotten a hot young mistress, tell us about your experience. If she's an ugly, old slut then don't bother mentioning it :). 

We'll talk about the other alternative next time - prostitution. Again, not condoning, just discussing.

Sex - before and after marriage

Well before marriage your woman sees you like this:

That's right, you're a regular cassanova. Your penis is 10 inches (er  - I'm presuming you're not of course, but if you are: you BASTARD)  of pure hot rod, a gleaming Ferrari she always wants to ride. Blow jobs are part of the foreplay. What foreplay? There's action straight away. She's hot for you, sex goes on for hours, and you're told you're the best thing that ever happened to WOMEN!. 

Her vaginal juices are overflowing, there's so much vaginal lubricant it's dripping off your thigh like this:

and umm.. she looks like that too! Yeah!

Fast forward >>>>>>>>>>>

You've been married a little while now, you may or may not have children. What's important, is that you're married - AND HAPPILY (so you tell yourself to avoid depression).

You now look like this in her eyes:

Chances are, you've probably drifted that direction too....

Sex - well, they are now 2 types of sex that you can have, and none of it is particularly good:

1. making baby sex - a pure chore. Woman hounding you to have sex every 48 hours for maximal sperm count, and can you please get off after you're done? Don't forget to remind the wife to pee after to avoid a urinary tract infection. And yes, once she's pregnant, there is no more sex, except the 2nd kind:

2. pity sex - occasionally she lets you satisfy your primal need, but much like eating weetbix with cold milk on a cool winter morning while it's still dark - it provides nourishment but not exactly enjoyable. 

Did we mention they are NO MORE BLOWJOBS? No chance of anal, nothing exciting occurs. The only sexual position now is known as the possum.

 

The possum is when the woman lies prone, almost unmoving and unbreathing as you try to have sex with her. Occasionally, slip a finger under the nose to check for breathing sounds and check the pulse. 

Oh yes, get used to getting a bit of KY. Your penis entering the vagina is equivalent to going through this:

Sandpaper my friend. Your cock will feel like it's completely raw after you're done. Not only that, she'll blame you for a sore pussy for a week. That's ok, because it's plenty of recovery time for the monthly sex. It's occasionally important to put a Google Calender reminder in case you miss the occasion - it's kinda like her period, it comes once a month.

Cheers from the 3 pundeks! We hope you enjoyed this post - and we'll update with any new insights we have! :)